Sunday, June 21, 2009

I Live

I just wanted to let the assembled world know that I'm still alive, and I'm still thinking.

In fact, that's the problem. I think all sorts of blog posts. In several instances, I have "written" them entirely out in my mind, complete with the satisfaction of completion and the thrill of the total feedback that I usually get from blogging (i.e. none, really, which is ok, as I have assiduously avoided taking even the most basic and automatic steps that would increase my profile and readership).

Let me explain why I "blog," and then I'll be able to explain why I sometimes fail to blog for long periods of time.

I am bothered by ideas. We all get ideas, I hope. However, ideas actually bother me. They keep annoying me, keep irritating me, keep cropping up. It's not that I think I can make any difference or that I have any genius or that my ideas are going to be better than anyone else's -- it's nothing so egoistic. It's purely medical. When I notice something, it actually annoys me, and this is true of noticing something good or bad.

The more I think I am seeing something that is novel or powerful, the more aggravated I get, and I have to let it out. It is not the blog that I need, but the essay. Long before blogs existed, I wrote essays, because I needed a sort of emesis of logic and fancy. Nor do I mean that this is that teenage romantic's selfishness, either. It's not about me. These are not ideas about myself, not ideas for myself, and not things I want to communicate to reflect on myself. Usually, they're ... as you can see... ideas about ideas, and I want to communicate because there is a value in the proposition itself, I think, and because my job is to fashion the raw observation into a pleasing expression.

Assume that observations are constant. Assume that annoyance with ideas is constant, too. What varies is only whether the ideas are too big for the format, too trivial to communicate, or already satisfied by another means.

When you see no new entries, it's usually because I've gone back to paper and ink essays or because I'm struggling with a rather massive thing and cannot make it presentable.

If there is interest, I will share a paper essay that I've done recently that has gotten very good reviews. It's long, though, because it's on paper, and that's just tough. If you don't have the time or concentration, then go read the Yo' Mama Joke of the Day.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Though you were joking, I'm the concerned student that actually I *was* wondering if you were alive. Unfortunately, I had not checked the blog out after May.

I always wondered if ideas were like this for other people. It keeps me up all the time. Who gets in the bed and stays awake for three or four hours? Me, of course. I can't stop thinking, but I think you said you liked that about me.